Letter #3 to My Period: UNWANTED GUEST > GUEST OF HONOUR

A lifelong relationship shifting with each fertility phase. From a threat to be managed, to a blessing to be chased. Or a bittersweet reminder of dreams fading away, to make room for new dreams.

OH YES! Period is here. Again. What a relief. 🥳😁🤩🎉🤢😴

Dear Period,

Let’s be honest: in high school, you and I were sworn enemies. You ruined my favourite jeans, crashed sporting events, and showed up at the exact worst times with all the subtlety of a brass band. Back then, I counted the days until you’d leave.

Then came young adulthood. Safe sex. Contraception. The terrifyingly high stakes of my own biology, and the life-altering consequences if I got careless about any of this.

And suddenly, our whole dynamic shifted.

From Unwanted Guest to Guest of Honour

Somewhere in my twenties, you went from being my monthly annoyance to my most anticipated monthly notification.

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

Don’t get me wrong—your PMS Wingwoman was as sharp as ever, still causing all kinds of physical and emotional chaos (acne breakouts, cramping, bloating, fatigue, moodiness). Still a pesky nuisance, sometimes irregular, and consistently inconvenient.

But your visits during this early adulthood phase of my life gave me a sense of relief—as if I was holding my breath in the in-between times, dreading an unwanted pregnancy despite using multiple forms of contraception concurrently—because pregnancy (+STDs, especially AIDS) was so easy to come by, or so we were taught at school, thought among my peers, and in the general ethos of our time. ‘Safe Sex’ and ‘Say No to Drugs’ were slogans that were relentlessly pounded into our psyches, with good reason.

“Are you late? Why are you late? Is that a cramp or early pregnancy implantation? Did I take my pill 45 minutes too late two Tuesdays ago?”

The psychological gymnastics of actively avoiding pregnancy while sexually active was an Olympic sport, and you were the final judge holding up the scorecards. The moment I saw that first spot of red, the sheer relief and gratitude that would wash over me made me want to rejoice, full-on Sound of Music style.

I went from cursing your presence to throwing you a one-woman welcome party. “Take all my blood, take my abdominal comfort, take my dignity—just take away the panic!”

You were also an unexpected channel for fleeting moments of female bonding with friends and chance encounters with random women in public washrooms, usually gathered at the mirrors and sinks, and almost never initiated by me. Women around my age and of varying cultures would say to me:

• “Ugh, my period wasn’t supposed to come today. Have you got a tampon or pad you can spare?”

• “I’ve got the worst period cramps. Have you got any Advil or Tylenol on you?”

• “There isn’t enough concealer I can use to cover this mountain of a pimple on my chin. Period acne sux!”

“No worries, I got you, babe. Here, try this.” Or variations of this, was my typical response. There’s a special universal sisterhood born from shared menstrual suffering.

Photo by Abby Tait on Unsplash

Ditching The Pill For Data-Driven Liberation

When I got married, I finally took the leap off the birth control pill and tried a natural method of birth control. “We’re married now, so if an accident happens, it’s ok”. Even though The Pill kept you predictable, Period, and minimized PMS symptoms, I never felt right taking it. It felt like I was hormonally gagging my body’s natural rhythm—chemically enslaving and hijacking my natural emotional state, my personality, my creativity. “Is this really me,” I’d ask myself, “or is the real me buried under a synthetic dose of hormones?” Dramatic, I know. But that’s how I felt.

Enter the CREIGHTON MODEL FertilityCare™ System (CrMS).

Catholics have a 1 year engagement period, and during that time we take a Marriage Preparation course offered by the local church. I am Catholic, but my husband-to-be was not. I was worried the course would be about religious doctrine. Surprisingly, it was very light on the doctrine—“The family that prays together, stays together” was really the only religious teaching in that course. Instead, couples were encouraged to have meaningful conversations with each other about how they envisioned their married life to be, in terms of practical matters such as:

• Household division of labour

• How finances will be organized/handled

• Conflict resolution

• Children–how many? Who and how will they be cared for? Discipline approaches?

• Sexual intercourse and natural family planning

• …etc…

They invited a doctor to do a presentation on the Creighton Method of natural family planning that really intrigued us. Women do daily external observations of cervical discharge and bleeding, and are taught to read this data to understand where in your cycle you are (e.g., cervical mucus consistency, color, stretchiness). This data tells a woman when her peak fertile days are. Depending on whether she is avoiding pregnancy or trying to conceive, she decides which days she wants to have sex. No pills, no devices, just pure data reading. It all sounded incredibly empowering and liberating to me.

One study on the method showed a staggering high use-effectiveness rate (upwards of 98% when used correctly). More can be found here and the 1998 Hilgers & Stanford meta-analysis of studies on the Creighton Method. There’s also Dr. Ronald Ferris’ 2011 paper: Fertility Awareness–Based Methods for Family Planning and as an Alternative to Hormonal Contraceptives for Therapeutic Reasons.

Curious about Creighton?

• https://www.fertilitycare.org/creighton-model-system

• https://www.creightonmodel.com

• https://naprotechnology.com

• https://saintpaulvi.com

A new tool to proactively monitor my gynecological health? Sign me up! I was already in the habit of tracking you, Period, and deciphering the signals your PMS Wingwoman was telling me, thanks to Mom. So learning the Creighton Method with my husband (working regularly with a Creighton NFP teacher) was a natural next step for us.

Surprisingly, it added a layer of intimacy in our relationship that we never could have anticipated. I learned to read my cervical mucus, and we tracked everything using the Creighton charting system. We were thrilled to be able to understand my body more deeply, to be able to read the charts together, and to analyze my bio data trends over time. It built a weirdly beautiful layer of intimacy and trust between us.

Photo by Filipe Almeida on Unsplash

The biggest shocker? Learning my fertile window was only 3-7 days, depending on how my natural cycle was going. I didn't need to chemically suppress my body 28 days a month to avoid pregnancy! Which got me even angrier about taking a daily birth control pill. GOOD RIDDANCE.

And for the first time in my life, Period...I actually learned to respect you.

A Strange Kind of Partnership

Photo by Felipe Méndez on Unsplash

I realize now that this era of our relationship was built on a bizarre, unspoken truce. We weren’t Besties, we were Research Partners. I tracked you, Period, and then learned to track my cervical mucus. I bought the ultra-absorbency products. I kept the heating pad and hot water bottle on standby. In return, you delivered my monthly proof of freedom.

You reminded me that my body is working, that our use of the Creighton Method was doing its job, and that my life stays on the track I chose for it.

Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

So here’s to you, my chaotic, unpredictable, utterly essential Biological Buddy. I still hated the cramps, but every time you showed up on time (or even a little late), I was ALWAYS happy to see you, Period, in this phase of my life.

With equal parts annoyance and profound gratitude,

JiaHui 家慧

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💬 Let’s Chat!

How would you describe your current dynamic with your period—are you sworn enemies, research partners, or something in between?

Have you ever had a moment where getting your period felt like winning the lottery?

I’d love to hear your stories, below! 👇🏼